One of my favorite Instagramers is an astrologer named Colin Bedell (@queercosmos). He’s got this great combination of frank talk, Long Island profanity, inspiration, and humor that is pretty delightful.
The other day I watched his video on the impact Mars Retrograde in Aries will have for the next few months, and he said something that hit home (summarized):
We have to own and name our desires, and then we have to state those desires with a sovereign I.
We all have egoic needs, which rise from external sources—the need to belong, the need to be admired, the need to be respected. Those are different from desires, which are more subtle, internal, and mysterious.
The sovereign I is important because it requires us to own our desires and empower ourselves to be agents of our own happiness.
The reason I bring this up during out month discussing Vision is that knowing the difference between your creative ego and your desires is important. Creative ego needs things to act as bandages for your wounds. Creative desire wants things because they bring you pleasure.
Another lesson from Colin was about avoiding what he calls “the tyranny of how.” Americans like systems. We like to believe that if we buy the right supplies and follow the right method, we’ll get what we need. With writers, we see this behavior when we buy all the craft books, the right pens, the cool new computer in the hopes that owning the right supplies will ensure success. (I talked about this in my post on the Imposter’s Accessories).
The truth is that visions are created through behavior. Instead of asking “what do I need to get what I need to be happy?” Colin says to ask yourself:
“Who do I want to be to do what I want to do to have the results I want expressed?”
Notice the use of want here instead of need.
If we can inhabit the energy of our desires we’ll be ready for our vision once it arrives. This is important because sometimes in our needing we get things before we’re ready for them, and this is when, according to Colin, we self-sabotage.
For example, let’s say you need to get published so that you can show the people who bullied you in middle school that you’re worthy. So you spend money on a writing system “guaranteed” to help you sell a book. Lo and behold, you do it, you get a contract. But you soon realize that getting published doesn’t fix those doubts—it makes them worse. You aren’t embodying the energy of someone who wants to be a writer because you’re too busy embodying the energy of a person who needs to be published to feel seen. And once you get it, you sabotage your career because you still don’t feel worthy.
Ouch, right?
What if you wrote because you want to write? What if it brought you pleasure? What if, instead of trying to triage your ego, you instead indulged your id? Dr. Jennifer Lynn Barnes teaches that fiction is a pleasure technology, and she emphasizes the importance of infusing our stories with elements that appeal to the id. She even goes so far as to encourage writers to create their own id list—a compilation of tropes, archetypes, settings, etc. that always do it for them.
What if instead of writing something that you think will make you famous or win awards, you write something because it brings you pleasure? Needing (ego) is graspy and desperate. Wanting (id) is a seduction. Need might tell you write an edgy thriller because then you’ll finally be considered a serious writer/ hit a bestseller list / sell a movie option. Want might tell you to write romance because it’s fun/ makes you happy/ helps you write about themes you care about.
Your assignment for today is to think about your wants versus needs. Who do you want to be to get the things you want? What types of stories tickle your id? How can you seduce your muse today?
Once you have these answers, you’ll be closer to have a vision that more closely fits what you really want in your life. Even if wanting that is scary—especially if it is.
Happy writing, friends!
P.S. The write-ins are on tonight and Friday for paying subscribers! Email me if you’re a subscriber and don’t have the links [wellswritingworkshop(at)gmail(dot)com]
This reminds me of the old saying, 'be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it." I think I know what I want, but I could be wrong.